Don't Say Your Sorry~
by Creed
Summary: What happens when Watari realizes that his feelings go -beyond- frienship?


Author's note:  
Okay... I know this probably is the -strangest- pairing to write about, but blame it on the YnM ML (specifically Cris-san whose pillow fight comment -stuck-) who put the idea in my head because of their little debate.  
  
You may all scream 'OOC! They're happy people!' because of the angst. But I don't think Tsuzuki and Watari are shallow characters who only feel the emotion of happiness. Tsuzuki has already revealed that he is plagued by dark emotions at times. So I tried delving into that side of the characters in the story to explain how the relationship started.  
  
But unfortunately, their genkiness won over in the end and... ^_~ Just read it and find out.  
  
  
~Don't Say Your Sorry~  
A Yami no Matsuei Fanfiction  
  
  
Watari made his way through the Sakura tree's, golden flecked brown eyes scanning his surroundings worriedly. Above him, the twining branches rained immaculate heart-shaped pink petals, carpeting the lush green grass. Dark shadows played along the ground, providing cool places of shade for those who should wish to rest. This was a place of solitude and beauty.  
  
A solitary figure came into sight, white robes clinging to his slight frame. He held his hand aloft, elegant white fingers reaching out to catch the errant petals, a tiny smile gracing his lips.  
  
"Tsuzuki...?"  
  
"Ara?", the burgundy eyed shinigami smiled as his friend came closer, "Watari..."  
  
"What are you doing out of bed?!", the scientist crossed his arms and feigned annoyance, "You're still supposed be recovering!"  
  
"But I'm sick of being inside! And you let Hisoka out so I don't have anyone around to talk to...", Tsuzuki sighed, "Even if all he does is insult me."  
  
"He's out early because his injuries weren't as bad as yours. He wasn't the one kidnapped by Muraki.", Watari touched the still visible pale line on Tsuzuki's neck, "This wound may have healed but it's still tender."  
  
Tsuzuki grinned, "Hai, oka-san."  
  
"Baka.", Watari returned the smile and took his friends arm to guide him.  
  
They walked awhile in silence until Tsuzuki noticed how unnatural that very fact was. When he was with Watari things were never silent, "Oi. Watari. You alright?"  
  
"Do you hate me for it?", Watari stopped.  
  
Tsuzuki watched him worriedly, "Eh? For what?"  
  
"If I had been quicker... none of this would have happened."  
  
"Na-nani?"  
  
"I was just standing there when Muraki took you. I tried to run and help but I wasn't quick enough."  
  
"Then when you wanted to die, and Tatsumi told us to allow you to, I refused. I nearly hit him for even thinking it.", Watari's eyes were hidden beneath wayward blond locks, "I was selfish. I only thought of myself and how lonely I would be if you were gone. I wasn't thinking that you may have had a reason for wanting to disappear..."  
  
Tsuzuki stood in stunned silence. In all the years he had known Watari he had never seen him sad or depressed. Watari was happiness and smiles and was always there to make sure you had smiles with him. This side of him... Tsuzuki had never seen. Didn't think anyone had ever seen.  
  
As the silence lengthened, Watari suddenly raised his head, bright expression ready, "Mada mada. Just forg-"  
  
Tsuzuki placed a hand on his friend's cheek, lips curving upwards, "Tatsumi gave me a speech almost exactly like yours."  
  
"Ho-honto?"  
  
"And I forgive you too. Not that there's anything to forgive though."  
  
Watari touched the hand on his cheek, "What do you say I make up for it by making dinner?"  
  
"I said you didn't do anything wro- ... Dinner? Honto?", Tsuzuki's eyes sparkled, "With apple cake?"  
  
"If that's what you want!", Watari regained his cheerful demeanor with much gusto.  
  
"Arigatou! Watari!", Tsuzuki clapped his hands together, burgundy eyes bright, "What time should I be over?"  
  
"Be over? Your still confined remember?", He laughed at Tsuzuki's pitiful puppy expression, "Don't look at me like that! Don't you want dinner in bed?"  
  
"I'm tired of beds." Tsuzuki pouted.  
  
"It's either that or nothing!"  
  
"Mou... Watari hidoii!"  
  
"7:30 then?"  
  
"... hai. You better have apple pie!"  
  
"Ba-ka."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Watari wheeled the food cart along the now abandoned building. Even overtime worker Tatsumi was gone. Hisoka had been over to visit earlier but had already left after leaving his customary insults and a box of Tsuzuki's favorite chocolates.  
  
Watari sighed tiredly as he recalled how he had broken down earlier. Tsuzuki didn't need to deal with depressed friends, especially after what he had been through.  
  
Watari had covered up his intense worry, when Muraki had taken Tsuzuki a few days before, with smiles and hastily summoned up optimism he had learned at an early age to live behind. It had started when his mother had been stricken with a deadly disease. A slight slip of a sad expression often would reduce her to tears. So he had learned to smile, to laugh, even when his heart was wrenched in sadness. The facade was an art he had perfected.  
  
Everyone loved the light and hated the dark.  
  
But when Tsuzuki was taken, the first man to immediately befriend him when he had come in to Meifu confused and alone, he found the mask breaking. And finally when Tatsumi suggested the unthinkable, it -had- broken. Tatsumi's stunned and horrified expression at his outburst was something he would never forget.  
  
And he had broken down again. The finality of Tsuzuki being back, safe and sheltered, had brought out hidden doubts from where worry had formerly smothered them. He never meant to reveal it, but the scene of his friend among the Sakura seemed to strike something inside.  
  
Tsuzuki had looked so beautiful, immaculate, and tranquil. It made him think of how very nearly he had lost this beauty.  
  
Forbidden feelings...   
  
Watari had discovered his preferences at an early age, but had never acted upon it. He hadn't found anyone he could love in his former life.  
  
Dramatic irony indeed that he found it -after- life.  
  
At first it was intimate friendship. Tsuzuki was a person he could truly be happy with. When they were together he found joy in the simplest of things. Even getting a king lobster for dinner was something to celebrate about. But soon he began to wonder at the flashes of jealousy he felt at Tatsumi and Hisoka's current status in Tsuzuki's life. Where before it was only him who could bring out Tsuzuki's real smiles, two more had breached through.  
  
Then had come the final discovery of the truth.   
  
It had begun with the intense anger and fury he had felt towards Tatsumi that he would allow Tsuzuki to die. That he didn't love Tsuzuki enough to have him live.   
  
Then came the feeling. That he, Watari, -loved- Tsuzuki enough to want him to live. That the very thought of living without his friend was unbearable. That even when others allowed Tsuzuki to die, he loved him too much to let him. He wondered if Hisoka felt the same way. After all, the boy had leaped in to save Tsuzuki.  
  
It was love wasn't it? What else could the feeling be? The urge to protect and shelter Tsuzuki from further harm, to bring the love of life back into his friend's heart. Upon the silent acknowledgement of such an emotion, Watari found that it's discovery gave birth to strange new edges to his character.   
  
Every movement Tsuzuki did fascinated him. The all too familiar features became something new, something altogether more beautiful. Words held double meanings and Watari found he took intricate care with his words and actions around his fellow shinigami. Tsuzuki was born in a new light to him.  
  
It must be love. Unless there was a stronger emotion than such.  
  
But in Tsuzuki's current state, it was best he keep such feelings to himself. His friend didn't need such an emotional burden. Already he had been through hell and back. It was best to always be the bright side for him. Tsuzuki needed his smiles.  
  
"Baka... your brain's going to burst, thinking so much...", Watari muttered to himself.  
  
His cheery facade was replaced as he finally reached his destination. He entered the clinic announcing, "Tsu-zu-ki! Dinner is served!"  
  
"Wai!", Watari's heart clenched at the childish happiness that radiated from the man on the bed, "I thought you wouldn't come!", puppy eyes shimmered, "I was starving..."  
  
"Eh? Didn't the boy give you chocolates?"  
  
"I ate them.", Tsuzuki put in, his eyes fixed on the trays, "I see apple pie!"  
  
"That's for dessert idiot."  
  
Watari rolled the tray over to Tsuzuki's bedside and settled himself on the stool nearby as Tsuzuki sat up, hands clasped together. The scientist revealed the chicken, fried octopus, sake, and apple pie and delighted in the further brimming of happiness in Tsuzuki's burgundy orbs.  
  
"Itadakimasu!", Tsuzuki chorused, Watari following suit. They ate in companionable silence, each man relishing each bite, taking in the taste and texture of the food and finding simple joy in the pleasure of it.  
  
Watari thought his feelings were safely hidden. But those that have been close friends for years often note even the tiniest of changes.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
Watari was different, Tsuzuki thought, there was something he was hiding.  
  
His friend's actions earlier by the Sakura had verified his suspicions. Watari would seclude himself one moment then be brimming with affection the next. The erratic changes of emotions were entirely unlike his friend.  
  
And sometimes while Watari tended his wounds, fingers would linger, eyes would brim with some distantly familiar emotion. That very emotion that 'he' had in his eyes. The man he had loved when he was alive. The man who had said he loved him.  
  
But it had been forbidden...  
  
Tsuzuki watched as Watari glanced up. There it was again. That emotion. But... Watari? He had never before shown interest.  
  
Tsuzuki knew people thought he was blind to emotions towards him. But in truth, he did notice such things. He just didn't act upon it. After all, it never turned out right when someone loved him.   
  
In life, his loved had failed. Even in death infact. Tatsumi had said he loved him, but the blue eyed man had broken their partnership because of that fact.  
  
Even after their partnership had ended however, Tsuzuki knew that Tatsumi still loved him. He would steal glances and even kisses at times, afterwards retaliating with indifference as if he was ashamed of the very emotion he felt towards him.  
  
That had hurt most of all.  
  
Hisoka loved him. But Tsuzuki suspected only as family. As an empath he surely would have known about what had been going on with Tatsumi. And yet he had never reacted. Hisoka was his family. Tsuzuki loved him dearly and would do anything to protect him.  
  
And yet... Watari?  
  
What sort of love did his friend feel towards him? Tsuzuki wanted to know.   
  
He found himself hoping that it was something deeper than what Hisoka felt towards him. Something more stable than what Tatsumi had to offer.  
  
Tsuzuki wanted... -needed- to be loved. Wanted someone whom he could love. He was tired of being alone.  
  
And Watari was someone close to his heart. A dear friend. It was possible perhaps...  
~*~*~*  
  
There it was again... that look.  
  
Watari felt like a deer before headlights, brilliant burgundy headlights. Tsuzuki's strange glances were piercing him. He cleaned up the empty dishes quickly, wanting to leave. He didn't like the way he was reacting to those looks.  
  
"Saa! Well, I'll be off!"  
  
"So soon? Can't you stay awhile?", Watari found his resolve melting before that adorable puppy look.  
  
"Maybe for a few more minutes..."  
  
"Waa~aahh!", a sweet smile, "Lets play a game!"  
  
Watari sighed in relief. Games were good and innocent things to do.  
  
"Let's play truth or dare!"  
  
Shimatta...  
  
"I'll start!" Tsuzuki beamed.  
  
"A..aa."  
  
"Ok. Truth or dare!"  
  
"Truth.", Watari tried to reassure himself. Atleast it wasn't wrestling. And besides, Tsuzuki didn't like him in -that- way. So there was nothing to worry about was there?  
  
"Was is you who placed that bra in Tatsumi's drawer on April Fools?"  
  
"... that information is classified."  
  
"Watari! You didn't answer! Now you gotta do a dare!", Tsuzuki smirked and imitated Kaichou's voice, "I shall decide your punishment!"  
  
"Mataku...", He had to do a dare even if it was obvious that he -was- the one who had put that lacy thing in Tatsumi's drawer. The look on the secretary's face had been priceless. It had been well worth the risk, "Fire away Tsuzuki!"  
  
"Your dare is", Tsuzuki leaned closer, "You have to kiss me."  
  
Watari felt his face go cold then warm a matter of seconds, "Na-nani?!"  
  
Tsuzuki pouted, "You gotta do it!"  
  
"Butbutbutbut-"  
  
"No buts!", Tsuzuki moved closer, lips tilting into an amused smile.  
  
Watari found he couldn't help himself, being this close to his friend seemed to muddle his good sense. Placing one hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder, he tilted his friends chin and covered his lips with his own.  
  
Tsuzuki's lips were so yielding and soft beneath his that Watari couldn't help but nibble slightly, enjoying their petal-soft texture and apple-sweetness. After a few moments they pulled away softly to catch their breaths, only to lean in for another kiss, both almost urgent in their need.   
  
Watari tilted Tsuzuki's head to gain access to his mouth, the lips beneath his parting open in a sigh. The dark-haired shinigami tasted like sweet confection, all softness and warmth. Tsuzuki's hands moved up to tangle in his hair, fingers running through the silky strands. It seemed time had stopped as their tongue's touched and tasted.  
  
Breathlessly they parted, Tsuzuki resting his head on Watari's shoulder. Suddenly it dawned on the golden haired shinigami the gravity of what had happened. He had kissed Tsuzuki, and his friend had kissed him back!  
  
"Tsuzuki... I'm-", long elegant fingers suddenly descended on his lips, Tsuzuki's eyes panicked.  
  
"Don't apologize! Please... say anything but an apology.", Tsuzuki's eyes shimmered, "Tatsumi always apologized after he kissed me... I don't want -anyone- to be sorry that he kissed me. I want them to be -happy- that they kissed me!"  
  
Watari's heart clenched as he pulled and held Tsuzuki against his chest, "Baka. You interrupted my love confession!"  
  
"Wa-Watari?"  
  
"I. Love. You!", Watari let out genkily.  
  
"Ho-honto?"  
  
"You want me to say it again?"  
  
"Arigatou...", Watari found his arms full of Tsuzuki, the other man's arms wrapping around his waist, "Arigatou..."  
  
They stayed that way for a moment, Watari's chin resting on Tsuzuki's head, Tsuzuki's breath tickling Watari's neck as he nestled closer. Finally however, the clock chimed nine insistently, and Watari very slowly and reluctantly detached himself from his love, "I don't want to go..."  
  
"Then stay."  
  
"... alright."  
  
Tsuzuki scooted over to give space for Watari on the bed. Once they were settled comfortably, Tsuzuki snuggled and rested his head on Watari's chest.  
  
"Ano... Tsuzuki?"  
  
"Ara?"  
  
"We aren't... going to do anything of those sex stuff yet are we? I'd like to research a little first on the subject and perhaps buy a toy or two and-"  
  
"Hentai!", Tsuzuki laughed, smacking the shinigami soundly on the face with a pillow.  
  
"Itai! That hurt!", Watari retaliated with a swipe of his own.  
  
"Hey! I didn't hit you -that- hard!!"  
  
The room was soon filled with sounds of laughter and pillows colliding with something solid. Suddenly feathers erupted in the air, immaculate whiteness raining upon the bed.  
  
Tsuzuki reached out slowly with his hand and caught one, eyes distant, "Now we only have one pillow..."  
  
Watari pushed Tsuzuki down on the bed and lay his head on the purple-eyed man's stomach, "I don't need one."  
  
"Watari... your hair tickles..."  
  
"Mmm..."  
  
"Watari~Iii!"  
  
"Mmmmm....?!?!? Keep that feather to yourself!"  
  
"You tickled me first!"  
  
"Fine!", Watari rested his head sullenly on the pillow. Their faces suddenly were so close that Tsuzuki could feel the other shinigami's warmth breath on his lips. Silently they leaned forward for another kiss, arms pulling each other close.  
  
"Oyasumi Tsuzuki."  
  
"Oyasumi..."  
  
...  
  
"Watari...?"  
  
"Go to sleep Tsuzuki..."  
  
"I love you too..."  
  
"..."  
  
"... Watari?"  
  
"Baka.", a loving kiss on the forehead, "Go to sleep."  
  
"Hai..."  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
"Kurosawa-kun? Are you visiting Tsuzuki-san?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"Can you check if Watari-san is there? He hasn't called in."  
  
"Hai."  
  
Hisoka walked slowly down the hallway, hands in his pockets. When he entered the clinic he stopped in surprise.  
  
They were on one of the cots, nestled in each other arms. Watari's face was buried in Tsuzuki's soft downy hair, his arms around Tsuzuki's waist. Tsuzuki meanwhile was safely tucked in Watari's arms, one hand holding tightly to several strands of long golden hair.  
  
Hisoka fought the smile that threatened to appear on his lips, "Baka... in broad daylight.", he left the room, locking the door firmly behind himself. A strange amusing thought came to him.   
  
He wondered which one was the 'woman'.  
  
~Owari~  
  
Yes I -do- think I'm insane. And -no- I don't hate Tatsumi! TatsumixTsuzuki is my favorite pairing alonside MurakixTsuzuki! I just... needed him to be that way for the story to work. ^.^-heheheh...  
  
Comment and violent criticism? Send 'em in to silver_elf@edsamail.com.ph ne? =^_-_^= 


End file.
